The Essence of Well-Being

My beautiful friend and colleague, Dr. Dicken Bettinger and I have been in dialogue about our forthcoming retreat together at end of April, Simple Principles for Spiritual Living ... as well as about our individual work, and experiences over the last several months.

Having just landed back on the West Coast from snowy Michigan, Dicken shared, in a recent phone call, that he had led a retreat there entitled "The Essence of Well-Being," and that this topic held a great resonance for him of late. And so, we decided to do another radio show together, on "On the Front Porch," and this will air on March the 22nd, with the title (you guessed it): "The Essence of Well-Being."

So I've been reflecting on this subject, or rather, this subject has been reflecting on me, and here is what I have discovered, so far:

When one steps back, away from a concept, thought, belief, one falls
Into this

Inner State

That is really pure Consciousness.

And saying "Consciousness" is the same as saying "Love."

There is nothing within this Consciousness: No thought, idea, belief, identity, goal, or memory, and yet here it is. Complete. A complete and full Nothingness ... both Nothing and the Source of all that is, of all thought.

Remarkably, mysteriously, this Consciousness is always Here. In the depths of darkness and despair, even. For it is Love itself that generates all that is. Love, loving Itself. Being-ness, encompassing all states, all activity, all "positivity" and all negativity, too.

Well-Being does not have an essence, actually. Well-Being is essence!

And so that is why it has been called,
The Father Within
The True Self
Closer than hands and feet
Nearer than breathing

Come closer to yourself,
come even closer in ...
past all of your thoughts, feelings, doubts and triumphs, habits and traumas

When you fall past all the layers of "you"

Here is what Is.

Call it Well-Being
Mental health

You can give it a name
You can call it "3 Principles" or even

In the end
there is
no name
and no

There is only this

Only Isness!
It's a funny business!

This illusionary journey toward discovering
That which you have always Been.

With Love,
Your Mystical Mama

This that I Am, you also Are.

Postcard from the Front Porch

How are you all?

I thought I'd check in on this lazy blog of mine. We get several hundred visitors (400? 500?) per month here--nothing stunning by blogging standards--but I do consider all of you my friends, and I so appreciate your coming back from time to time to check in on me, even though my blogs land here erratically.

And once again, How are we?

I was visited recently by Jenny and Rudi Kennard of the amazing 3 Principles Movies website--a site featuring hours of totally inspirational 3 Principles-based audio & video footage that this young and energetic couple collected using their own monies and volunteering their time.

They sent me the video blog they've posted of their recent travels, and I noticed that in the midst of the elegant offices and fab kitchens of many other 3P "practitioners," their footage of my own front porch showed a sort of shabby, cluttered entryway--and me opening a front door that started to need paint many years ago. All the rest of the footage of me was with my kids--as is the norm these days, especially with school out.

"On the Front Porch" with Kid (Tori Elle) and Chantal Burns from England

 And so, here I am! My front porch, the nominal inspiration for my radio show, "On the Front Porch with Ami Chen," is indeed rather ragged. The paint on its cement steps peeling horribly. Scattered about in a thoroughly unorganized fashion are garden tools, snail bait (organic! so they say ... ), lots of shoes (thankfully, mostly in pairs), and a shoe organizing contraption that is, of course, completely empty.

Filling in any otherwise clear, uncluttered space would be the children's various formal and informal arts and crafts projects, plastic cups, hair bands, twigs ... that have made it out from the car but not quite through our front door and into the garbage, or onto shelves.

The whole thing is terribly unimpressive. We have plans to blow it out completely and create a spectacular sun room/entryway/mudroom type space, everything in its place. But who knows when this will happen? Perhaps next month. Perhaps never.

In the meantime, Life continues. And here I am. I used to be "waiting for" things to change and "happen," for more money to be coming in, a new "level" of work to unfold--and while these things have happened, I have discovered that "waiting" is a waste of time. It is endless. And endless distraction.

My next radio show on "Money and Support," (this coming Friday, July 13) will be all about this--the constant leaning into the future we do, expecting something "better" to come along, whether that be more money, a better job, a better relationship, or even a better state of mind. This constant leaning is a direct interference with our experience of Reality as it is. Now. The wonder of what is!

This leaning, I have discovered for myself, can be into the next year or the next five years and beyond. Or it can be into "when the kids finally fall asleep," "when this traffic clears up," "when I finish cooking dinner," "when I can finally work on that book project," "when I lose 15 pounds," "when I get so-and-so's approval," "when I experience enlightenment," "when I can find some time to meditate," or any time after this moment.

Just not this moment, God forbid! I can't relax now! Look at this mess!

We would then have to accept our circumstances, internal and external, exactly as they are.

Yet in this stopping, this relaxing, this acceptance, we discover the depths of Life, God, Love itself. We discover who and what we are.

Life is so incredibly short, and yet we spend so much of our Thought energy, and resulting emotional and physical energy on trying to distinguish and decorate it (the personal life) in various ways. We miss, in these efforts, the overarching fact that Life Is. That one is part of Life, and the absolute miracle of That.

We become entangled in the particulars of our own lives, and we miss the constant support we receive, always, from the Energy of Life--that Universal Mind, with which we are one.

I have learned to surrender: to the porch, to life, to the children, the husband, to the Truth as I see it (and as unpopular as my current opinions may be). Surrender to disapproval. Surrender to nothing-to-be-done-about-it. All of it is what is. And here I am, what I am. What I gloriously am!

Past, future, goals, obstacles, problems, "not enough" ... All require a sort of "fantasy projection" that distracts us from Stillness, now, and the impersonal gratitude of Consciousness recognizing Itself in everything it sees and hears and feels and touches. All of it!

So, here I am. My family and I muddling through the summer, summer camps, camping. ... We've been hosting visitors like Jenny and Rudi, Robert Jackson (of the "A Quiet Mind" podcast), Drs. Bill and Linda Pettit, brave 3 Principles colleagues. All of it a blessing beyond belief ... Heading out soon to Grass Valley, later in the summer, Kauai. Exasperation with children. Complete exhaustion from time to time. Forgetting to surrender. Surrender. Love. Intimacy. Peeling porch. Joy and laughter. New ridiculously cute puppy. There will be a garage sale, a new drop-in class in Santa Cruz, a larger retreat in North Carolina in September. How will any of these events "go?"

Who knows?

Does it matter?

During my interview with her, the renown spiritual teacher Gangaji and I spoke of "stopping," a word, she said, that has no end. "Surrender" too, she said, is another such word. No end to surrender!

I surrender to this Life. All I have, will ever have, have ever had. All of it collapsed into this one moment, Consciousness, Formlessness, regarding itself in form after form after form. An endless entertainment, springing from Love itself.

From this space of surrender, I greet you, my Friend. Are you in the midst of your own surrender? To every experience? Every thought? Every state of mind? Letting it go, letting it be ... No effort to control, get rid of or gain anything.

Perhaps one day, we will sit together on my old and shabby, or chic and spiffy, new front porch

 ... and simply laugh.

With Love from

Your Mystical Mama

The Holy Spirit in the Holy Land

Just before Passover, or Pesach, and Easter, my family and I returned to Israel to visit with my husband Barukh's extended family, or tribe, really--in Kefar Yona, Israel ... just a few miles west of the West Bank.

Several women from Israel had contacted me earlier about coming to visit, to speak to community and youth-at-risk issues, and so Life unfolded this way ...

I had the pleasure and honor of meeting with Sue Lachman and Carol Dweck, as well agency representatives, community volunteers and government officials at the base of City Hall in Jerusalem, just steps from the old city.

After an extended meeting that somehow also included several solar energy industry representatives, plates of bread and hummus, various chopped salads, and many cups of coffee, Sue and I entered the Jaffa Gate of Old Jerusalem.

We made our way past the energetic shopkeepers, hawkers of wares (you can see why Jesus turned over some tables here). We wound through narrow, cobbled streets toward the ancient Western Wall of the Jewish Temple that religious Jews believe will someday be rebuilt. On the way, an elderly, bearded Jewish man walked ahead of us, slowly, slowly, and as we passed, behind us, stopping to kiss each stone wall of this remarkable ancient city.

I have come here before with skepticism, with a kind of frustration at the religious/political/cultural tides of past and present, the fears for the future, the deep misunderstandings, that have created unending violence and conflict in this "Holy Land."

The glittering Dome of the Rock rises above us, on the Temple Mount, where Mohammed is said to have ascended to Heaven. Behind us, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, where it is said that Jesus was crucified at Golgotha, laid to rest on the Stone of Unction, and moved into his tomb.

At the Western Wall, which is relatively quiet today, men and women separate (I have had my reservations about this too) and Sue and I enter on the women's side. Women, both Orthodox and not, place their hands upon the wall, mutter prayers, weep, or simply sit in peace and silence on rows of plastic chairs situated before the wall. The evening is warm and full of a dusky orange glow I associate with Israel, its earth, air and stones.

Some Asian tourists take photos of the observant, and an understandably bothered Jewish woman shoots them an effectively scornful look. She, too, has been crying.

I am overtaken with a sense of reverence, a quietness here--and am moved to tears myself. In the cracks and crevices of the wall, besides the many stuffed, folded prayers on paper, flowering weeds unwind themselves into the Israeli spring, and pigeons coo and flutter from one ledge to another.

Despite the wars and abuses, the sometimes violent attachment to thought that makes a Holy City such as this very often unholy; the yearning for some meaning beyond the small self, the surrender to something greater can be felt here. Barack Obama left a paper note in the crevices of this wall when he visited. It was later scavanged by journalists. It was because of this note, and what he wrote on it, that I voted for him.

What is holy? Is it this wall, that dome, the rock where Jesus is said to have been crucified? Or is it what we carry to these places, and unleash from within ourselves--our dreams, intentions and prayers? Our yearning for divinity? Is God not everywhere, if God is God? Or is there atmosphere, as Joel Goldsmith has named the feeling of a place?


And do we also always live and move and have our being in some atmosphere, the divine gift of Consciousness ... which sanctifies us endlessly, and anywhere, when we are still, when we are open to receive?

The next day, I gave a talk to a group of interested Israelis. What follows are excerpts from an evening in Ra'anana, Israel, just before Passover, 2012. This transcript has been edited slightly for clarity and/or to emphasize a particular point. Part II will come in a later post.

Local Host: I was able to spend the whole day yesterday with Ami in Jerusalem and it was a joy ... so thank you, Ami.

Mystical Mama (MM): It's been a joy, it's been a pleasure to be with you in Jerusalem. [To the group:] We went down to the Wailing Wall, the Western Wall, and while we were there, we had a brief discussion about whether the wall itself was something Holy, or whether it was all of our intentions when we go that create a feeling at that wall. I certainly felt something at that wall. It moved me, it made me cry.

At any rate, I know for sure that our intentions mean a lot, and this space itself becomes holy when we have an intention toward that. I love being with people and talking about these 3 Principles because I then get to experience that feeling. I think in the Jewish tradition it's called Shekinah. It's like the "Holy Spirit," actually, the feminine Holy Spirit. Something soft, something peaceful. Indwelling. I love that word.

I am not Jewish. My husband is Jewish, he's Israeli. And I spent a year studying Judaism, which isn't a lot. I understand that people spend entire lifetimes, so I'm not going to pretend to know much. I know that word, and it's beautiful to me.

And what the Principles we are going to talk about tonight, what they really speak to is: What is the source of that feeling in ourselves? Where does that come from? ...

I've been told that I have a job tonight, which is that I need to talk about what it is that we are actually talking about! ... The report is that people are saying: We don't know what it is, and we've come several times [to various classes]. What is it? So, I have the task of defining the Principles for you and putting some form on something that is in fact, quite formless.

Whether you're religious or not, you've probably had experiences of great peace in your life, possibly and probably from "out of the blue," just a sense of peace, a sense of well-being, a sense of "everything's OK." And so we'll be talking about what is that, and how is it that we go in and out of that space of feeling a sense of peace?

But I thought it might be nice to just "get here" for a second, together, because we all came from traffic, perhaps came from rushing, feeling we might be late ... I had the thought, because Passover is coming, of the parting of the Red Sea. I'm sure all of the Rabbis are talking about it these days.

What occurred to me is that, if we could take a moment in our lives to "part the seas" of time, and to have one side of the sea be the past, and one side of the sea be the future, and just walk right down the middle, clear of all that.

Just for this brief time period, and it would be wonderful if you could continue that into the next moment and the next, on into your lifetime! ... But perhaps we could just take a moment this evening. So I am going to ask you to oblige me, just take a moment with me to be quiet for a minute or so ... Just to get here a little bit. So--

[There is a long moment of silence that is then interrupted by a loud door buzzer.]

Participant: Time's up!

MM: Yes! The sea comes back! ... [Laughter.] So what did you find in that moment? What did you experience? What is here? Was there peace? Was there a flood?

Participant: I was trying to keep the waves out. I was walking in the middle, I was keeping my thoughts from going that way, towards what I have to do.

MM: I think the title of this talk is "Peace Before Pesach," when there's so much to do, at least for religious people. So this is apt. Anyone else? Did anyone hear the sounds, the buses?

Participant: I didn't hear the sounds. I didn't pay attention to them. I went inside myself and I felt comfortable in my own body. It was peaceful.

Participant: I felt relaxed. Just in that moment, you just let the tension go. You make a point of saying, "Now you can let go." And you just let go. It's good when someone actually tells you to, because one doesn't always do it by choice.

MM: Yes, although it's certainly possible.

Participant: Yes, but one doesn't always do it. Especially before Pesach.

MM: [Confirming] Yes, it's possible, but one often doesn't do it. Especially before Pesach. Anyone else?

Participant: It felt right.

Another: It was nice. I was quiet. It felt nice. It was unusual, I'm not usually quiet.

MM: Well, most of us aren't, are we? Whether we're outwardly loud, or outwardly quiet, most of us are quite noisy on the inside. And especially people who are often quiet on the outside. There's one way of being that's quiet, and it's really quiet. It's lovely. And we all know that feeling--

Participant: I don't like quiet, I'm afraid. When I am at home, I like noise. I put the television on. I'm not even watching it. I hate quiet.

MM: It seems strange to be quiet?

Participant: Yes.

MM: Yes. But you did it just now.

Participant: Well, it's a bit different here, when everyone is doing it.

MM: Is it? ... And how did it feel?

Participant: Yeah, it was fine! [Big smile.]

MM: Yeah! You never know.

So, what do we have here? This is a question someone asked me perhaps a year ago. What is here? What is always here?

[Note: a participant chimes in here with the word "consciousness," which is also apt.]

And it hit me that quietness is actually always here. Not the quietness of "Oh my gosh, the sounds have all stopped, the TV is off, and suddenly it's quiet. And now my mind is very noisy," which is a different kind of quiet. It's an external quiet. That is not inner quiet.

But when that layer of static, the static of thinking, starts to fade down a bit, whether because we are intending for it to, or just by accident, because we are accepting that static fully, or because it is a blessing, an act of grace, what we find underneath the static of our thinking, even in the midst of our thinking, is quiet. And that's always here.

And it's a quiet that can lend itself to action, it could mean that you go and do some work and you're very focused, or you're doing something creative or you are parenting ...

Because you're coming from a space of quiet, the parenting is very natural ... Have you ever felt that way with your children--the parenting is not all up in your head, but you're actually seeing the beauty in your children?

Participant: You're being present.

MM: Yes, you're present. And present and quiet are the same thing. Those two "walls" of the Red Sea are just created out of something that's really nothing, which is Thought. It's just thought.

In reality, all we have is this moment, all the time. Again, what is always here? This moment is always here. We know that. We know now, we're together in this room. There's the table, there's the candles, there's these crazy flowers that look like they've been dyed by some incredible artist, and a bowl of oranges ... We know there are the sounds of the buses ... This is what we might call "reality."

And there's always some reality that we're in, there's always some experience we are having in the physical realm. And if we were just to leave it at that, what a blessing it would be! [Laughs.]

If you look at children, they haven't learned to overlay something on top of reality. They're in the physical reality that they've been born into and it's like a miracle to them, every single thing that comes into their experience, is like some kind of amazing miracle, a cat, a kitten, a puppy, a bus ... Bus! Let's ride the bus! ... On the bus, what's happening? What do the people look like? Everything is something amazing, some aspect of creation.

If we just could be in the simplicity of awareness, of Consciousness--just that we are conscious, we are conscious human beings (and that's one of the Principles, by the way, so I've covered that one--)

Participant: When you're talking about the child, is it--? Let's say a child is building a sand castle. When a child is building a sand castle, that is what he is doing. He's not thinking about what is going to happen to the sand castle afterwards, and is there a wave going to come, is he going to get dirty? Whereas the Mother will be extrapolating all the possible scenarios that could be coming. But the child is in the moment. Is that what you mean?

MM: Yes! Exactly.

Participant: Not to think further. And the bus. He gets on the bus and he's just thinking about the enjoyment of the ride. Whereas I would be thinking: "Where's the bus going? Am I going to get there on time? Am I going to be late? Where am I going to sit?" We process, whereas children don't.

MM: Yes. We think quite a lot more. But before we begin to "think quite a lot more," there's this basic capacity for an experience of life that we call Consciousness. A lot of people call it consciousness, it's not new, nor a special word that the 3 Principles community has come up with. It's been around. It's just awareness. That's all it is. And it's so simple. And when it's simple and pure, life is very simple, like a child's life.

And then, as we get older, we start to develop some kind of thinking, some kind of an overlay. Someone told us this kind of a bus is a good bus, this kind is a bad bus, or it's better to have a car, actually. It means something different if you have a car, or if you have this kind of clothing or that kind of clothing, or this amount of money or this amount ... This is who you are, this is what you like, this is what you don't like, and on and on and on.

So we start to create a world of our own, which you could call a "personal reality." And our personal reality is created through our capacity to think.

That thinking somehow gets stored, magically, and we're able to pull it up. It also comes up on its own after a while, even when we don't want it to. As adults, we start to be in this reality, be in this world with an overlay--of judgement, value making, rejection. We start to make meaning out of everything: If this person looks at me a certain way, it means something ...

We've created a filter of reality through our thinking. We're no longer fresh in reality, we're now walking around in a soup of our own history, of our own making.

It's of our own making, but it's also quite natural because this is what human beings do. We're like little computers and first we're clear, we're fresh. You start off with almost nothing, and then you need some software, and you start getting software and you start running programs. Soon we have far too many, much more than we need to get through life. And the programs begin to obscure the natural wisdom, the natural capacity for love, for gratitude to life, that we each also are connected to--Pure Mind, Pure Consciousness. So we each run different programs, and those programs are created from this simple Principle, which is one of the 3 Principles, of Thought. And through this power to think, we create all the meaning that we see in this world for ourselves ...

We are the ones that create that.

It feels like someone gave it to us. It feels sometimes like the Truth. We might fight to the death for some particular thought. But actually, it's something that we are doing inside of ourselves. Most often, without even knowing that.

Part II, to come, will contain the rest of the excerpt from the evening. The Center for Sustainable Change and Your Mystical Mama are offering a six-week online and telecall course in the 3 Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought, "Foundations in the Principles," beginning May 5. For information, registration and scholarship applications, please click here.